In the middle of the swirling battlefield chaos, one gamer’s voice rang out loud and clear over the clamor, drenched in Mountain Dew and Doritos: “That’s exactly what your mom said last night. Get rekt!”
As the chaos intensified, the guttural screams of the Xaurips mixed with the unending barrage from the Aedyran envoy. Amidst the pandemonium, this player twisted and twirled, never stopping to take aim, emulating the glory days of fierce Xbox battles. By the end of it all, with weary arms and a pounding adrenaline-filled heart, they somehow managed to avoid succumbing to the dizziness that would have dropped a lesser warrior.
Relentlessly pursuing more loot, they couldn’t help but dance victoriously over their defeated foes. Back at the camp, they meticulously enhanced their trusted arquebus, fantasizing about covering it with the gaudiest custom skin imaginable, despite how much their companions likely despised their method of play. They remembered a time when they first picked up this prized weapon, purchased from a Fior Mes Ivèrno merchant, thinking how it was reminiscent of a Barrett 50 Cal and imagining filling enemies full of lead in the most obnoxiously awesome way.
Their adventure began with a rough learning curve. They quickly figured out that turning away from opponents every so often required keeping a safe distance from strong melee threats. Reload timing was critical, and they adapted by spinning quickly before their arquebus was ready to fire again, striving to save every precious second.
Losses piled up, and their companions had to frequently rescue them, but internalizing the game’s philosophical drivel wasn’t a priority. The real weight pulling them down was their disappointing kill-to-death ratio. Yet, they pressed on, pouring their hopes into practice sessions inspired by the Faze Clan, slowly improving their skills. Battles grew more efficient as hit markers appeared consistently, each successful headshot bringing them closer to mastery.
With confidence finally in hand, they decided it was time for serious bounty hunting. Embodying the spirit of New Vegas, they opted to hunt down Old Nuna, embarking on the quest armed and ready, blasting music to hype themselves up for the encounter.
Upon entering the beast’s lair, they unleashed a reckless barrage, channeling their inner Danny DeVito with a shoot-first-ask-questions-later approach. Bullets missed, but many landed, and the towering Old Nuna was soon overwhelmed. Amid cheers of victory, they relished the defeat of this formidable foe, delighting in the hit markers and celebrating with cheeky dance moves over vanquished adversaries.
Returning triumphantly to Fior, the animancers couldn’t help but notice their over-the-top celebrations, complete with blaring air horns. Eager to cash in their bounty, they faced disappointing news: no lifetime supply of loot boxes awaited them. Undeterred, they lobbed colorful insults at the bounty master, basking in the shock of bystanders as they sauntered away.
Indeed, they were just getting started, ready to embrace the power of the 360 no-scope in “Avowed.” A new chapter loomed—a restless spirit fueled by energy drinks and undeniable ambition now moved toward greatness.
Inquisitor Lödwyn? They picked the wrong arena this time.
